Being common is so 2013. In 2014, it’s all about good manners, being polite to the person who just pushed in front of you in the queue, learning the proper way to eat and how to conduct yourself correctly on social media.
Welcome to the world of William Hanson, the UK’s leading (and most controversial) consultant in etiquette and protocol, and author of the newly published Bluffer’s Guide To Etiquette.
He’s a household name in the United Kingdom, appearing regularly on TV and radio. But here in that ‘rowdy colony’ we call Australia, William Hanson is about as appealing as an emergency trip to the dentist. For one thing, he thinks way too highly of himself – a personality trait that most Australians will find incredibly annoying. Then there’s Hanson’s etiquette tips…need we say more?
Etiquette Tips for Social Climbers
Hide the Silver, there’s a beer drinker in the house. If questioned what you’d like to drink before dinner asking for a branded beer like a Corona will make your host feel uneasy for two reasons: a) they won’t have any; and b) they will be mentally making sure they’ve locked away their jewellery upstairs.
Only Dogs Eat Out of Bowls. Assume that when the soup course arrives it will be in a rimmed soup plate rather than a bowl.
Always Be Charming. When seated at table you may have a pretty young thing on one side and an old trout on the other but you must charm them equally. It is only good manners to do so.
Never say ‘Pleased to meet you’. You may think you’re being terribly nice saying this upon greeting a stranger, but those in the know will have mentally clocked that you are not saying ‘How do you do?’ If you don’t know who they are, can you be sure you really are pleased to meet them?
Pudding v dessert. The final course of a dinner (and arguably the best one) is the pudding. Note, it is called the pudding. NOT ‘dessert’! If you call your lemon posset with spun sugar basket a dessert when dining with the hoity toity, then you might as well prepare for a future dining at a Toby Carvery – where you can help yourself to the dessert buffet for the rest of eternity.
Avoid attending Facebook parties. If you are invited anywhere by Facebook then don’t go. It won’t be worth it and you’ll probably be served beer in the bottle or be given wine that hasn’t been decanted.