A French Woman in Singapore

It is no secret that I am growing a little bit tired of my easy life in Singapore. As a French woman, I need material to fulfill my duty of being critical and unhappy. Everything is so perfect here that I have affectionately and ironically, called this island “Care bear land”.

PARIS v SINGAPORE

Please allow me to enumerate some points which differentiate Singapore from Paris, by taking the metro as our socio-geographic reference.

1. For instance, besides Singapore, I know of no other country in the world that would hire half-blind eighty year old human beings as metro security guards.

“Low crime does not mean no crime”, who are we kidding?! If “real” crime occurred, I would demand an explanation of why we have these kinds of guards then!

I mean, if I gently blew on them they would surrender…

In Paris, we have the army to secure our lines. Now we are talking about serious security… and yeah serious crime!

2. When I am in Paris taking the metro, I just do what any respectful French does: I do not respect the law; instead, I find ways to circumvent it.

For example, one evening at 10 pm, I smoked inside the metro station of Saint Germain en Laye, and nope I was not the only one who was doing so AND we did not get told off. Although I am not a student nor an elderly person, I pay half-price for the metro tickets simply because it is cheaper and I bully tourists who are standing on the wrong side of the escalator etc…

Now, now … I would never ever dare to go against any rule here in Singapore! Just thinking about it gives me the same chills as when I imagine to be kissed by our French actor Gérard Depardieu!

3. When I am in Paris, in the metro, there are invariably half-naked, drunken beggars next to couples making out (with tongue). There are gypsies singing and dropping on our laps pictures of a sick child who is supposedly their child, then insisting that you give them money.

In “our” city, the only time you get annoyed in the train is when you are sitting on the reserved seats and an elderly person is scolding you in front of everyone – when that happens, you cannot talk your way out by pretending you do not speak English. I have tried that and failed miserably.

4. In the metro in Paris, people read paper books, paper newspapers, paper magazines – which all have the word “crisis” in their titles every -f@cking-day.

In Singapore, you see nerds with iPads, or businessmen/women with iPads, or mothers with children with iPads and old people with iPhones. Paper is so 20th century! And the economic slump? That is so European!

5. In Paris, when you are taking public transport, you wear proper clothes and real shoes. How many of my friends have encountered, at rush hour in summer, some perverts purposely sticking their body next to theirs… Eww…

On our tropical island, there are always women wearing shorter and tighter shorts than you, and they know that the MRT is safer than any place in Singapore – Lee Kwan Yew’s little helpers are always watching you.

6. In Singapore, I feel tall! In reality, I am a little smurf …

7. The train in Singapore is NEVER late nor on strike…. We all know the reputation of French people!

And the list goes on…

Ah,the grass is always greener on the other side.