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Going through a divorce can be a huge challenge at any stage in life but when you are a young mother trying to juggle bringing up your child with the emotional strain of a divorce, it can be even harder.
If you are thinking about petitioning for a divorce or have already started proceedings, there are numerous support options and actions you can take to help you to cope with the situation.
Use your support network
Going through a divorce can feel like a lonely process, so if you have family and friends who can give you some emotional support, let people help if they are offering and if you are struggling, don’t be afraid to ask for some help. This could include help with childcare or even just having someone to talk to about how you are feeling as you go through the divorce. Many young mothers try to struggle through a divorce without asking for support, when having a few hours to yourself or having someone to talk to can give you a big wellbeing boost.
Find out about financial support
Organisations such as Gingerbread supports single parents and can help you to find out all of the financial support that you may be entitled to as a consequence of your divorce. There is an online benefits calculator that will give you a quick idea of what financial support you can apply for. Depending on the age of your child and your income, you may be entitled to childcare tax credits and other benefits that you can read more about on the gov.uk website.
Even if you are not eligible for financial support, the Gingerbread charity also provides a helpline and forum that can provide advice and emotional support. They also have a list of friendship groups that you can join in your area, so you can meet other single parents who are going through a similar experience to you.
Try to stay as amicable as possible with your ex
When you are first starting divorce proceedings, you might have feelings of anger and/or blame towards your spouse. The sooner that you can get to a position where you are on good terms, the easier your life is likely to be. Both parents should prioritise the welfare of their child, so try to remember that arguing with your ex will drive worse outcomes for your child. Your child will be going through a very stressful time as their life will suddenly change in lots of different ways, so you should try and keep as many routines and familiar people in their life as possible.
Settling the finances in a divorce can be a source of arguments but if you use a service like a mediation, financial dispute during divorce can be negotiated and overcome in most cases. A family lawyer can help you to work out solutions that are the best result for your child and can provide expert advice before you start discussing custody arrangements.
If you can stay on reasonably good terms, you may also be able to reduce the costs for solicitors and court fees by coming to an agreement without the need to go to court.
Make time for yourself
This might seem easier said than done when you are busy looking after your child, but it is very important to try and make some time for yourself. Even if it is just having a relaxing bath while your child takes a nap, you need time to recharge your batteries. Taking some time every day to boost your wellbeing will help you to have more energy and positivity when you are around your children, so don’t neglect your mental health.
Doing activities that boost your wellbeing will also help you to get through your divorce, so if doing exercise classes, reading a book or having a coffee with friends makes you feel happier, make sure that you make time for those things.
Set some goals
Making some targets to aim for can help you to focus on what you need to do to reach your goals, rather than dwelling on what has happened in the past and the emotional effects of your divorce. Setting short-term and long-term goals will give you some motivation to keep concentrating on a target. Think about some smaller targets to start with, and make sure they are realistic targets, which are important to you and will give you a sense of achievement.
Getting divorced is one of the most stressful situations that people go through in life, so you need to remember that the way you are feeling is only temporary and you can look forward to a much happier future.
