Australian Women Online How You Can Best Protect Your Child Against Cyberbullies

Those of us who are parents or carers know that we will do just about anything to ensure the good health and wellbeing of our children. We want the best for our kids and for them to have more opportunities than we ever did growing up.

One of the toughest challenges for parents comes when it’s time to send their kids off to school and entrust their learning, development and welfare to teachers, peers and others. We can’t always watch over and protect our kids, so teaching them ways to handle common problems can help them prepare for some of the challenges they may encounter.

The Challenge of Modern Parenting

It’s difficult to always know how best to prepare our kids for adversity, as the world we grew up in is quite different to the one they now face. New technologies have brought with them endless opportunities to learn and engage with people and information far beyond our geographical communities’ as well as new challenges and pressures, such as the impact of cyberbullying, and as parents we sometimes don’t know where to start.

Whether we like it or not, some of our kids will be those that are picked on by others at school, others will observe it in action, while some of our kids will be the instigators. Regardless of whether our children might be the target, the bully or an observer, as parents we can help them best by reaching out, speaking with them about their feelings, provide insights around appropriate responses or actions, or connect them with the right people for further advice or strategies.

Tragic stories like those of Sheniz Erkan¹, the 14-yr old Victorian student who took her life last year after relentless bullying online, are an emotional reminder for parents of the harmful effects and impact that cyberbullying can have.

The Schoolyard is now 24/7

We might have grown up seeing bullies at recess or lunch in the schoolyard, but it’s safe to assume that as parents, most of us didn’t grow up using mobile phones at school, or having our lives documented through blogs or social networking sites from an early age. For many of us, our ‘digital footprint’ didn’t even begin until we may have been in the workforce for a number of years.

Social networking and mobile phones can be accessed around the clock, which means that bullying can be more invasive than ever before. Additionally, bullies can remain anonymous online if they choose, masking their actions and making it harder for targets or supervisory adults to confront them.

Last year in Australia, there were more than 2.3 million children accessing the internet at home or at school, and 98% of children aged 12-14 had access to the internet². Up to a quarter of Australian children have reported that they’ve been bullied online³.

While we may not be able to easily relate to the growing pains of our ‘digital native’ children who wouldn’t know what life without a mobile or internet access is like, we can begin to understand some of the unique pressures they face by talking about it with them.

We can Help our Children Cope with Bullies

Australian children’s charity YourTown (formerly BoysTown) spoke with more than 500 children⁴ who had been bullied online throughout 2009. They found that cyberbullying occurred more frequently in the transition period between primary school and high school and that the most common forms of bullying online were being called names, receiving abusive comments, having rumours spread or receiving threats of physical harm.

The research also looked at the ways kids tried to cope with cyberbullying and they found that targets felt the most effective help was gained by talking to an adult (76%), followed by talking with a friend (68%). However, less than half of the children surveyed said they talked with an adult about their experiences and even less talked it over with a friend. Research from Telstra in 2012 found that 45% of parents had not yet talked with their children about cyber safety⁵.

The message is clear – we need to talk with our kids, because they are less likely to bring it up with us directly.

For the past few years Norton has been challenging parents to be more proactive and take steps to understand their children’s behaviours and habits online. We advise parents to sit down with their kids and have ‘the talk’. Life’s big issues need to be discussed, and just as parents approach other big issues with ‘the talk’, we need to learn more about how our kids are using the internet, what they are doing and that they are aware of what’s appropriate or not online.

Norton developed the Family Online Safety Guide⁶ as a helpful resource for parents to get the background information they need to start having a discussion with their children. The guide helps arm parents with starter questions around the use of passwords, how kids connect with others and questions on privacy. Additionally we’ve a few tips on how and where to instigate this conversation – her favourite place is in the car as it gives her children both physical space and time to open up and answer the questions.

Spotting the Signs

The Berkman Center for Internet and Society at Harvard University provides a good summary of the types of children who may be targeted by bullying including, children changing schools, either due to a move or transition from primary to secondary schools, children of greater or lower family income levels as compared to the average and children whose appearance may deviate from the “norm” (overweight, underweight, glasses, disabled, etc.).

According to the research, children who bully others also tend to have similar characteristics; they often have high levels of energy, an ability to manipulate others, take delight in getting their own way and have difficulty with expressing empathy or dealing with emotions and conflict. If a child starts to withdraw from school or their social life online, is moody or easily distressed, has damage to his personal items, has difficulty sleeping or unexplained cuts, bruises or marks on their skin – then they might be facing bullying at school or online.

If you suspect your child of being a bully, or being bullied, the first step to addressing the issue is to talk about it with her or him, and attempt to get them to open up and have an honest chat about it, without fear of repercussions or restrictions from devices or the internet.

Minimising the Risk

It is important that parents pay attention to clues and signs to predict whether their children could become a target. There are actions that we as parents can do to minimise the risks and ensure our kids know what to do if they are picked on by a bully.

Set ground rules together – sit down and develop some ground rules for internet usage together with your kids so that they are included. The recent story⁷ of the mother in the US who gave her son an iPhone with an 18-point contract including “Mother will always know the password” is an interesting example of one approach used to set the rules.

Monitor your children’s internet usage – depending on their age, you may wish to monitor and limit the amount of time children have access to the internet or their mobile phones. Software such as Norton Family and Norton 360 Multi-Device are just some of the ways you can keep tabs on both their internet activity and secure their computers or mobile devices.

Don’t wait until it’s too late to have the talk – if you wait until your child is in high school, chances are they have already been exposed to bullying behaviour online. Start talking to your children about cyberbullying and online safety as they begin to go online. Initiate an open dialogue so they know they can come to you with any questions from the get-go.

Keep talking about it with your children – Sadly, bullying of any nature can have devastating effects on our children, particularly if it is ongoing and relentless. Last year, the tragic story of 15-year-old Canadian student Amanda Todd⁸ was heard in media around the world, after she took her own life following extensive cyberbullying. She had cried out for help in a public YouTube video that reverberated online and started further discussion about the impact of cyberbullying. Her parents believed that things were getting better after the public response to her video, but for Amanda it all became just too much.

In Australia, there are a number of services that are available for children who need someone they can talk to. Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) and Lifeline (13 11 14) are two services where young people can call in to chat about some of the pressures they face.

Take the opportunity to talk with your children, and let’s help empower them to handle or cope with bullying behavior online and off.

This article written by Norton Online Security Advocate Marian Merritt